Resolving Conflict Through Stages

A conflict occurs when two parties have differing views or opinions about an issue. Conflict will always be around and there is nothing anyone can do to put an end to it. However, there are certain strategies that can be used to help manage conflict. Let’s look at an example of how a conflicting issue goes through certain stages and how conflict can be viewed in a positive manner.

There are many ways to deal with conflict and choosing the best way to deal with it depends on the issue and the parties involved. The process view of conflict suggests that a successfully resolved conflict moves through a series of five stages and each stage has an effect on the next stage. The five stages in this process are the prelude to conflict, the triggering event, the initiation phase, the differentiation phase, and the resolution phase (Abigail & Cahn, p. 22). Let’s look at a conflict I experienced and discuss how my conflict moved through these stages.

The first stage in the process view is known as the prelude to conflict. This consists of variables making it possible for conflict to occur. In my situation, there were other people involved in my conflict. The main conflict was between me and my friend Rebecca. However, our friend Crystal played a key factor in our conflict. Crystal was always interested in knowing everything Rebecca and I were doing. She was the main cause of the triggering event. The triggering event occurs when one person identifies something they believe to be the start of the problem (Abigail & Cahn, p. 23). Crystal was the cause of the triggering event because she betrayed my friendship and trust. She was also going around telling Rebecca lies about me.

The third stage in the process view of conflict is known as the initiation phase. The initiation phase occurs when one person makes the other person aware a conflict exists between them. I wasn’t even aware there was a problem between me and Rebecca. I noticed something was wrong when she started to ignore me. I tried to confront her about it, but she would just say there wasn’t anything wrong and that things between us were alright even though I knew she wasn’t being honest.

 Rebecca was using the avoidance strategy to deal with our conflict. The avoidance strategy is used when “emotions are running high and time is needed to cool them down” (Miller & Stetson, 2011). As much as I wanted to discuss the conflict and figure out what was going on and how to resolve it, I found it best to wait for her to be at a point where she was ready to discuss it. One day she finally told me she was upset by something I had did and that she was going to need time to get over it. The strategy I was using was the accommodating strategy. By being accommodating I ignored my own goals and temporarily resolved the conflict by giving in to my friend (Johnson, 1990). Our friendship was more important to me than trying to resolve the conflict as quickly as possible. If time was what Rebecca needed then that was what I was going to give her.

This eventually brought us into the differentiation phase. The differentiation phase is when both parties involved in the conflict present both of their sides and go back and forth discussing the conflict at issue. For about a month and half, Rebecca and I talked almost daily about what was going on and how we were going to get passed this problem and move forward. At this point our husbands and friends could sense something was going on between the two of us. We tried to play it cool and act like nothing was wrong between us, but it was a lot harder than we thought it would be. We finally sat down and we both listened to each other tell their side of the story. When we discussed what was going on we found out that we had both been lied to and that neither one of us was actually responsible for anything. It turned out our “friend” Crystal had made up lies about me to Rebecca. Rebecca didn’t want to believe they were true, but was so upset by what she was told that she didn’t want to deal with it and figured if she ignored it the problem would eventually go away.

The final stage in the process is the resolution phase. This phase occurs when the individuals involved in the conflict agree to the outcome of the conflict resulting in a win-win situation for everyone (Abigail & Cahn, p. 24). After Rebecca and I had talked and found out we had been deceived we came to the agreement that we would never put our friendship in jeopardy like that again. If there was a problem we would bring it to the other one’s attention and we would resolve it right away.

Conflict will always be around and with the help of strategies we can learn to manage conflict more effectively. It is important to know the stages a conflicting issue goes through and how to resolve issues without making things worse. The type of strategy someone will use depends on the conflicting issue and the individuals involved. The key to resolving any conflict is to listen to each other’s side of the story and to not be disrespectful. It is important to remember conflict isn’t always bad. Rebecca and I have been talking and hanging out for two weeks now. I think our conflict has made our friendship stronger and we have learned a lot from this experience. We definitely have the tools to use to eliminate any future conflicts that might arise.

References

Abigail, R.A., & Cahn, D. D. (2011). Managing Conflict Through Communication. Boston: Pearson Education.

Johnson. (1990). Conflict Management Styles. Retrieved January 19, 2011, from http://webhome.idirect.com/~kehamilt/ipsyconf.html.

Miller, C., & Stetson, N. (2011). Managing conflict. Retrieved January 19, 2011, from http://www.slideshare.net/profjim/managing-conflict.